Grandmother scolds son for playing with his 2-year-old daughter, falsely claims they are neglecting 4-month-old son: 'She said we're spoiling her to the detriment of our son, and that he needs it more'

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Jan 2, 2026 10:00 PM EST

Everyone has different parenting styles, even within the same family. 

It's valuable to have all sorts of different perspectives in a child's life. It makes for a well-rounded child. You would hate for them to be under the influence of one person. You're not raising clones, you're raising children. This is why it's a wonderful thing to have extended family around. Not only can they help ease the burden of childcare, but they can also help offer different values and influences in your child's life. Maybe you have more traditional parents who ask your kids to follow certain rules while they're at your house. You may not agree with them, but they may end up teaching some useful skills to your kids. What if they find themselves at a nice dinner where they're trying to impress someone, and then they think back to how grandma taught them how to properly use a soup spoon? Boom. 

Or maybe you have a brother who is all about adventure and roadtripping, even though you're more of a homebody. Your kid might end up following in their uncle's footsteps and will be glad to have a roadmap. All to say, it's a beautiful thing to have extended family in your child's life, no matter how different they are from you. But there is a limit to this philosophy. What about the relatives who end up having a negative impact on your child's life? Do you try to nip the behavior in the bud, or do you just let them be who they want to be?

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  • A grandmother sits at a table with her grandson making food
    via Unsplash+ (Kateryna Hliznitsova)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • That's the situation that this family found themselves in when staying with family over the holidays. One woman's mother-in-law had a lot to say about the way her grandson was being treated. The problem was, she didn't really have a leg to stand on. She just had an unnatural bias against her granddaughter that came out in interesting ways. So the mom was caught in the middle between her husband and her mother-in-law, just trying to do what was best for her family. Read on to see what happened in this story and see how the family in question handled it. 

  • Am I in the wrong if I went to a hotel with my kids because of my MIL's behavior with my daughter

    I hope this is the right place to post. I apologize for asking on a short timeline. My husband and I are currently at my in-laws in Houston for the holidays, we live in Atlanta but are here for the holidays to see them.
    via u/postingforadvicee
  • Just a bit of context so my reaction doesn't seem over the top. My MIL always wanted a grandson, she used to say she was praying for one early in my pregnancy with my daughter (my husband and I didn't care, we just wanted our baby to be happy and healthy). After we had her, she kept pushing for us to have another. My son is 4 months old
    via u/postingforadvicee
  • and my 2 year old daughter is such a loving big sister to him. My MIL's behavior to them is definitely partial. From the amount of christmas presents she gave to the amount of time and love she gives. Now all these things are things that are her effort to distribute as she wishes so I didn't say anything.
    via u/postingforadvicee
  • But today me and her were with my son, while my husband was cuddling with my daughter (they have a really close bond and she's a real daddy's girl). My MIL snapped at him and said to forget her for a bit and give his attention to my son who needs it. She said it in front of my daughter who suddenly went quite and looked
    via u/postingforadvicee
  • confused and hurt. My son had two adults with him, he didn't need my husband to turn his attention from my daughter at that time. I said as much, and she said we're spoiling her to the detriment of our son, and that he needs it more and we need to impress on my daughter boundaries. Again all in front of her. I lost it, took my son, and my daughter and went to my
    via u/postingforadvicee
  • husband's room (where we're staying). A few minutes later, my husband came up, apologized for his mom, hugged our daughter and said granny was having a bad day but she loves you so much don't take it to heart blah blah. I told him I'm seriously considering just booking a hotel for the rest of the time we're here (till Saturday). He told me that would make things
    via u/postingforadvicee
  • worse, that he'll talk to her and fix this, so he went downstairs again. But I'm still considering just going. Would that be an impulsive thing and AHish thing to do? Thanks Adding this now: he told me he impressed upon her that what she said and did would distance us
    via u/postingforadvicee
  • from her and that things will go smoother. He said that me leaving with the kids would make our daughter feel like she caused it which wouldn't be right. I asked him what exactly she said. He said she understood what he was saying but I asked him exactly what SHE said, and he just seemed evasive. And I've read some
    via u/postingforadvicee
  • comments, honestly I'd much rather go back to Atlanta than stay in Houston at a hotel, I'll have to check how that could be done. He was asking me to bring us all back down, I said I wasn't ready but he has taken our daughter out with him to make her feel better.
    via u/postingforadvicee

  • Commenters agreed that his was something that needed nipping in the bud.

    Mammoth-Suit9357 Please keep your babies away from this woman. It will only get worse and it could affect the relationship between the siblings. The sibling relationship is the more important one. It will last long after the grand and parents. are gone. Your MIL will destroy their relationship by favoring one and teaching your son he is somehow more important than your daughter.
    via u/Mammoth-Suit9357
  • A man plays with his baby daughter
    via Unsplash+ (Hrant Khachatryan)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • Quiet-Application... Get a hotel and next year......stay home.
    via u/Quiet-Application374
  • Chloe_Phyll NTA. Frankly, I'd take the kids and go back to Atlanta.
    via u/Chloe_Phyll
  • Alarming_Paper_8... You MIL is a piece of work. Sometimes a direct, "What a crazy thing to say -- they BOTH need love and attention, and that's exactly what they are getting." The spoiling bit -- imagine how frosted she would have been
    via u/Alarming_Paper_8357
  • if you had turned to your daughter and said, laughing, "I don't think you're spoiled do YOU think you're spoiled, sweetie? No!! I think Grandma is being silly, don't you?" What your husband said to your daughter was age appropriate, and I'd give him. a chance to fix it with your mom, and hopefully drive the
    via u/Alarming_Paper_8357
  • point home that he will not tolerate favoritism between the children, her actions are unacceptable, and one more comment along those lines means you start packing for the hotel. I don't see how removing yourself and the kids from the situation would make it "worse" -- sounds pretty stressful, already.
    via u/Alarming_Paper_8357
  • MrsFlyingPanda NTA. what if you were not there to witness. What will your husband do? Also, I feel like this kind of treatment will just get worse as your kids gets older (unless Mll will change). Your son will end up getting treated like a golden child by your MIL.
    via u/MrsFlyingPanda
  • Snoo-18951 NTA. Your husband's "granny is just having a bad day" comment is a bit of a red flag. It's a "peace-keeping" move that minimizes your daughter's feelings to avoid a fight with his mother. He needs to realize that by "not making things worse" with his mom, he is making things. worse for his daughter.
    via u/Snoo-18951
  • SpillThatTea2Me Absolutely not. He has already started sweeping it under the rug. He told your daughter that his mother didn't mean it. She absolutely meant it. She has no shame about what she just did. The only way she might stop is if there are consequences right now. Go get that hotel and maybe you can salvage a relationship with her. Maybe.
    via u/SpillThatTea2Me
  • EfficientSociety73 Granny wasn't having a bad day. Granny is a bitch. Let's call a spade a spade here. She doesn't care about your daughter. She wanted a grandson and now she has one so in her mind, the rest of you are useless extra weight. Do not take those children to see her again. And tell your
    via u/EfficientSociety73
  • husband he can either set her straight, or she can be cut off. Period. She was unnecessarily cruel to your daughter because she's a boy mom of the worst kind. Granny sucks. She's a miserable unhappy woman who doesn't have her baby boy anymore so she's determined to take over raising yours. This needs to stop NOW. Get those kids out of there asap and again do not go back. Ever.
    via u/EfficientSociety73
  • MystiQueWRB If you and your husband are usually a strong team and on the same parenting page, I'd find time for a private conversation between the two of you once the kids are asleep.
    via u/MystiQueWRB
  • Calmly discuss the situation. See if you are on the same page and identify boundaries together: if MIL does X we (all 4 of us) will immediately do Y. Then you know you still have each other's back and won't be facing this situation on your own.
    via u/MystiQueWRB
  • If you can't come to consensus on boundaries, then it's a tougher discussion. "As a parent, a mom, I am not willing to risk my daughter's sense of self or jeopardize her nascent relationship with her brother for any reason. If MIL does X, I and the children will immediately do Y. I hope you (husband) will choose to support us (your family) and cherish the bond you have with your daughter."
    via u/MystiQueWRB
  • EJK_PlantsAre Frie... Leave now. Do not give that woman one more second of time with your babies! If she felt comfortable enough to say it and then repeat it imagine what she'll say to your daughter when you're not around. You staying says what she did was ok, is that the message you want to give your daughter?
    via u/EJK_PlantsAreFriends

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family drama drama parenting in laws daughter grandmother holidays son
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